My Favorite and Least Favorite Things about Final Fantasy IX

Plot and Setting

• Favorite town: Treno! It reminds me a lot of Jidoor from FF6 with its auction house and fancy stores, and the parts of town on/overlooking the waterfront are beautiful. It seems like a nice place to visit, although (much like Jidoor or Midgar) I wouldn't want to live there unless I were rich or could find a rich patron like Dr. Tot did. Between the auction house, the card tournaments, reselling items won at the auction house to nobles, trading in Stellazzios, and the battle pit, there's so much to do there! My second favorite was Daguerreo, because I love the library setting and thought the lifts were cool, although, like that one NPC, I do wonder how they keep all those books from getting moldy in such a humid environment. Daguerreo also has the most interesting NPCs, probably because most of the people who hang out there are scholars and other nerds.
• Least favorite town: Cleyra was a pain in the ass to get around. When Brahne and Kuja decided to massacre the Cleyrans, I had the hardest time trying to remember which bridge led where, and I can't help but wonder if my inability to find my way around Cleyra led to more rat-people dying than would have if I had given them better directions (along the lines of the parts in FF6 where whether Cid and Shadow die depends on your decisions as the player—and I, of course, accidentally killed them both by being a dumbass). The way that town is designed is just a mess, and whether or not that was intentional on the game designers' part, I found its layout irritating.
• Favorite sidequest: Chocobo Hot and Cold (see also "Favorite minigame" under the Gameplay heading).
• Favorite dungeon: Ipsen's Castle, both because I enjoyed that part of the game and because of its design. I really love Gothic architecture, so I thought it was super-cool not only exploring a maze-like Gothic castle, but also walking along the upside-down vaults as I explored the castle's mirror image. I went back to visit the castle a few times after that part of the game just to wander through it and admire its design.
• Least favorite dungeon: I did not enjoy Fossil Roo. At one point, I really believed that I had flipped the switches in the wrong order and would end up stuck inside the dungeon with no way to get out, and then have to replay everything up to that point from the beginning. Thankfully, I found my way out shortly after and didn't have to start all over, but I told myself that I really didn't want to play through that dungeon again. The road to Cleyra was also a real pain in the ass. I don't like having to consult guides while playing games because I feel like it breaks my immersion, so I was not pleased when I had to use one to find my way out.
• Favorite Kuja scene: I loved the scene where he talks to Zidane at his Desert Palace right before shipping him off to the Forgotten Continent. His dialogue in that scene reminded me a lot of Jacques Eloi des Mondes (the main villain from the old TV show Strange Paradise, not to be confused with the FF game Stranger of Paradise), and I read it aloud in a higher-pitched version of my Jacques voice as I watched that scene. (I was shocked that the voice they gave Kuja in Dissidia was, if anything, less posh and less sinister than my "Jacques before his voice dropped" interpretation. They made him sound like a generic twink who's only slightly pretentious and can't even pronounce "exquisite" correctly.)
• Least favorite Kuja scene: I laughed when I learned that he had told Hildagarde all about his plans, super-cliché-Bond-villain-style, while she was imprisoned. I know he's a narcissist and all, but he really should have known better than to make such a rookie villain mistake!

Characters

• Favorite character: Kuja! I'm wild about him, mostly because I think he's really handsome and I like his theatrics and sinister Jacques-esque dialogue. Second favorite would be Beatrix, because she's badass and she reminds me a lot of a cross between Celes from FF6 and a female version of Rufus from FF7 (mostly early on, especially when she does her version of the infamous hairflip).
• Least favorite characters: Every NPC who ostracized Vivi and called him a demon just because he's a Black Mage. They're judging and ostracizing a literal child just because of his race. Talk about scum! As far as more important characters go, I found Zorn and Thorn quite annoying and I was very happy when they died.
• Favorite playable character (as a character): I love Vivi. I loved him even before the other characters (most of whom I found annoying at first) grew on me. I also love Zidane (even though I found him annoying at first) and think he's adorable and very likeable as well.
• Least favorite playable character (as a character): I kind of hate Steiner. He's an uptight, whiny bitch who's semi-useless in battle without Vivi and has next to no backbone. He's also ugly (IMO) and no amount of eyeliner or mascara can change that. :p
• Favorite party member (to play): Tie between Freya (for her Jump ability and awesome Trance attack of raining spears down upon enemies) and Amarant (for his attack power plus Throw).
• Least favorite party member (to play): Save for the period when Dagger was mostly useless because she couldn't concentrate, my least favorite to play was Steiner. Why is he so useless, and why does such an elite knight constantly need everyone else to save his ass? I felt bad for Beatrix when she had to focus so hard on keeping him alive while the two of them were defending Alexandria (not that I think she minded, given that she is in love with him, but still, it was annoying for me as the player). I've since discovered/remembered that, when Vivi is in the same party, Steiner goes from semi-useless to Azor Ahai, but, at the same time, I don't like the inconvenience of having to always use the same two party members together if I want the second to be useful instead of switching up characters based on whatever combination I think will work best in each part of the game.
• Favorite temporary party member: Beatrix, for her awesome attacks and for being awesome in general!
• Least favorite temporary party members: Marcus and Cinna aren't very useful in battle.
• Favorite NPC: Queen Stella. (I'm biased because she has the same name as my cat. ;))
• Least favorite NPCs: See "Least favorite characters" above.
• Best outfit: I like Regent Cid's outfit the best, because I have a thing for Elizabethan men's clothing (especially the hose). I also love Hildagarde's gown—reminds me of those weird early 16th-century German fashions worn by the women in the paintings of Lucas Cranach the Elder.
• Worst outfit: WTF is with the uniform that the female Alexandrian soldiers wear? More specifically, why aren't they wearing pants? Although I think their outfit was intended as fanservice, the sheer impracticality of having soldiers fight with bare legs and with helmets and molded breast plates as their only armor seems like further evidence that Queen Brahne is insane. (I've decided to headcanon their uniforms as including skintight beige jodhpurs to solve the bare-legs problem, although I still feel like they'd be safer with leg armor.)
• Best character design: Kuja may wear a somewhat silly outfit, but—goofy chibi art style notwithstanding—he just may be one of the hottest things (possibly the hottest thing) ever created by Square. Vivi's design is also *chef's kiss*, but for different reasons. It's a cool interpretation of the Black Mage sprites from the older games (already a cool design), but in miniature.
• Worst character design: Brahne. Seriously, WTF? I'm not fond of Eiko's design, either; I feel like there's just too much going on with her character design at the same time (a unicorn horn? wings? those bizarre and—quite frankly—stupid-looking overalls?) and it doesn't really make sense as a whole.
• Favorite alternate character design: I love the alternate design for Kuja where he's dressed more like the other noblemen in Treno (and wearing a blond wig?), although, if they had used it in the game, I think it would have been less memorable than the outfit they ultimately chose. He looks really good there (and drop-dead gorgeous in this interpretation of it from Dissidia), but more like a corrupt dandy aristocrat NPC who gets the protagonists locked up for some petty reason than the main villain of an FF game.
• Worst character name: I know that he was named after the villain from the original FF and all, but Garland has the most unmenacing name I've ever seen on any antagonist from any piece of media, with the exception of certain animal antagonists named things like Fluffy. Whenever I read his name, I think of Judy Garland, and I'm pretty sure the worst thing she ever did was act like a bitch while drunk. (I do, however, like the fanon that Kuja's last name is also Garland. I think that, whle Garland still doesn't sound like an evil name, it suits his theatrical, campy persona far better than it suits the old man.) I loved the part where Eiko snarked on Garland's name, which I'm guessing was added by the translator who must have had a similar opinion of it.
• Best Trance design after Kuja's sexy!monkey form: I think Freya's Trance design looks super cool (but then, Freya herself is already super cool). I also really like Vivi's with that sharp (in both senses) hat.
• Worst Trance design: The first time Quina went into a Trance, I did a double-take. Just WTF?
• Favorite alternate character name: After I got the Namingway card, I changed Steiner's name to Uggo. (Sorry, not sorry. :p I got tired of looking at his ugly face early on in the game.) I also debated whether to rename Dagger something like Knifeythingy the next time I visited the NPC who was interested in my Namingway card, but I ultimately decided not to.
• Favorite victory dance/pose: Zidane looks so cute when he flips in the air after winning a battle. That tail! <<<<<<3
• Least favorite victory pose: Amarant just stands there, no reaction or anything (until he starts sitting down instead). Kind of boring IMO.

Gameplay

• Favorite boss: I thought Quale was cool, with all their different spells and some of the same Blue Magic as their student Quina. The battle against them was surprisingly tough, but oh so rewarding.
• Favorite character abilities: Towards the beginning of the game, I loved making Quina eat everything they could. (I must, in order to satisfy my Blue Magic/enemy skills addiction!) Later on, as the game got harder and my party split up, with half in Oeilvert and half in Kuja's Fantasmabulistic Desert Palace of Supercalifragilisticexpialadociousness, I relied on Freya's Jump and Amarant's Throw abilities to survive.
• Favorite minigame: While I like Tetra Master and even got good at it long before the tournament, I love, love, love Chocobo Hot and Cold! It's like the archaeological dig minigame from FF7, if it were actually fun and involved riding on an adorable chocobo.
• Most disappointing thing, gameplay-wise: When my party split up to return the mirrors to the temples of the four elements, I really expected to have to battle all four of the temple guardians instead of only that of the Temple of Earth, and I was even looking forward to the challenge. I think that part of the game would have been more fun if I'd had to battle all four with my party divided.

Fandom

• Favorite pairing: Kuja/Brahne. I have no idea whether or not anyone else ships these two because I haven't read much FF9 fic (yet), but, to me, that Brahne is in love with him and that the two of them have had sex at least once (probably a lot more than once) is so obvious that it might as well be canon. Sure, he doesn't find her attractive and he secretly hates her, making her love ultimately one-sided, but THEY'VE STILL BEEN HAVING SEX AND SHE IS BLINDED NOT JUST BY HER LUST FOR POWER, BUT BY HER LUST FOR HIM AS WELL. I also shipped Kuja with Zidane at first, but changed my mind after I learned that they were brothers and that Zidane was only sixteen. For me, incestuous pairings with a significant age gap and pairings between an adult and an underage character more than two years younger than them are both hard nos.

Miscellaneous

• Favorite music: I love "A Place to Call Home" (which I think sounds a lot like the Michael Praetorius tune "Bransle de la torche"), and I'm also very fond of "Melodies of Life." I think that that creepy tinkling piano music that plays when Kuja is being extra sinister and dramatic is *chef's kiss*. It sounds like a lot of the music I listened to and tried playing on guitar with varying degrees of success when I was a little teenage angst-puppy. But the tune I love most of all is the background music that plays in Treno. I could hum that song for hours! It's one of the reasons why I kept coming back to Treno.
• Favorite music to sing along to: While not really one of my favorite tracks (and not one that I liked at first), I couldn't help but sing along to the Qu's Marsh theme. "Be-ah-doo-ah, da-doo-ah-doo-ah..."
• Least favorite music: The themes for both Lindblum Castle and the surrounding city quickly got annoying. Both are way too repetitive IMO.
• Most WTF thing: How could anyone possibly think that Garnet is related to that blue-skinned gonk Brahne? She's too pretty and doesn't even have blue skin! Sure, I know that Garnet isn't her biological daughter, but she was adopted to replace Brahne's biological daughter who looked identical to her (save the horn that was removed). I guess the original Garnet took after her dad? Also the random riverdance scene in Burmecia, which one of the posters in this thread reminded me of. Not a bad scene but still a total big-lipped alligator moment.
• Funniest part: In Conde Petie, I made Vivi and Quina get married so they could access the Iifa Tree. Quina was so happy about it! (ROFLMAO)
• Most unintentionally(?) funny part: When Garnet asked Zidane what his short little knifey thingy was called (I know I'm paraphasing, but still, the original line wasn't much less silly) and decided to use its name for her alias. You want to change your name to Dagger, of all things? Really? (LMAO) That part, funny as it was, was one of the lines that made me question my decision to play this game and then abandon it for a while back in 2024, before going back to finish it a year later.