My Final Fantasy IX Headcanons

• Kuja prostitutes himself to Queen Brahne, who is in love with him. He's not attracted to her—frankly, it's hard to imagine that anyone would be, unless they had a thing for Muppets and/or women who look like anthropomorphic blueberries—but he knows that she's infatuated with him and he takes advantage of her infatuation in exchange for money and power.
• Queen Brahne was pregnant with Kuja's daughter when she died.
• Quina smokes weed. A lot. Their obsession with eating doesn't come from the weed, however, but the reverse: they smoke it so their food tastes even better. They're also very prone to the munchies...
• Kuja is sexually attracted to Zidane, even though he's his brother. He doesn't see anything creepy about it, either because he's a narcissist with no conscience or because he's unaware of any sort of incest taboo.
• The reason why there are so many titled nobles living in Treno instead of their own kingdoms is because their kingdoms no longer exist and were conquered by Alexandria years ago. Queen Stella doesn't actually rule anything; she just retains her ancestors' title and fortune while living in luxury on the lakeside. Treno essentially serves the function of Versailles: a place where the Alexandrian nobility can socialize and have fun, but to distract them so that they don't rebel.
• Kuja dyes his hair silver. His natural hair color is blond, like all the other Genomes. That early design of him with blond hair is how he looked during his early days on Gaia when he first started seducing Queen Brahne.
• Where does Kuja hide his tail? Well, where do you think he does? (Maybe I won't write about that in fics, though, unless I show him cleaning it.)
• The root of Kuja's problem isn't that he never had a childhood per se; it's that he never had a chance to be a theater kid. He uses his villainous speeches as an outlet for the love of theater that he never got to express, and is secretly extremely jealous of Zidane's life as an actor.
• All Qu have both male and female sex organs. They, however, cannot impregnate themselves, except through artificial insemination.
• Garland in FF9 and Garland in FF1 have the same spirit. Terra is also the same planet as the planet in FF1, just many thousands of years in the future.
• In addition to running the auction house as "King," Kuja regularly performs in drag at an upscale nightclub in Treno. Men and women alike swoon over him.